wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
