Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
