also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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