I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
