I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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