Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
