david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
