My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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