We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
