the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
