its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
