He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
