I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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