Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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