I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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