Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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