so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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