At least make sure they are 18
Why
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
