hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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