hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
