I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
