Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
