Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
