I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
