Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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