i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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