i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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