she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
