i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
