So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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