Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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