True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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