Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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