I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
