I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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