Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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