I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
