I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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