do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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