I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
