Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
