So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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