Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
