so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
