so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
