your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hello my rib-scented angel!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
