Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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