I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
