all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
