Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
