Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
