I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
